Category: Advice

Posted on November 29, 2018November 29, 2018

Music for an Anxious Mind

Agoraphobic Life

Agoraphobic Life

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I did so much thinking on what I should do with my writing and these accounts since I’ve gotten a lot better. This started as a way to communicate with other people who were also struggling with agoraphobia, but I’ve realized in the darkest parts of my journey all I wanted was something to look at that showed proof that it will all be okay, you will leave your house again, you will get to do things you love, you will get to stand in crowds of people and sing along to songs you love, you will get to go out with your friends and stay out as long as you want to because YOU CAN!!! It can be lonely and it can make you forget why you were put here in the first place, and it can feel like you will never gain the strength to get better. I went months without leaving my house, going upstairs once a day to use the bathroom because leaving my room and going to my own bathroom caused me to panic, I went weeks without showering or brushing my hair because of the sadness and hopelessness I felt. It was dark and dirty, something that most people don’t talk about because it’s embarrassing and it’s hard. I’ve come so far from that place. But that isn’t to say I don’t still struggle, I’m stubborn and determined and they are traits I didn’t know were so prevalent in me until I had to fight through this. I got to stand in a crowd of people that I would’ve had to push my way through to get to an exit, I stood in the very front of the stage and as more people came in, I thought how do I get out of here? What if I can’t? Maybe I should just leave before it gets any worse? And a million other thoughts that go through my head and I was warm and dizzy and weak, but I wanted to see this band so fucking badly. A choice: do I leave and feel better? Or do I breathe through it and get to see a band I love? I make choices like that most days of the week, but it’s a chain reaction and once you get through one thing it makes the next easier. Some days are harder than others but it does become easier and you do get out of the massive hole you feel like you are in. If I can make anyone feel any less lonely at any stage of this, I want to. If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask away 🧠

#shareyourstory

#mentalhealthawareness

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